i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize