I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i love accidental penises.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
