Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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