i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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