I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I love having hate sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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