I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
