i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
