bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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