your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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