Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
