dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
