Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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