I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
