new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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