my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
