this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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