my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
