I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
