I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
