Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
