Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
