I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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