i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
