i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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