My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
