11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
