You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
