Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
