why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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