I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
