OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
