Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize
