thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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