You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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