If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
