I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So drunk its hurt
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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