I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
