just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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