Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
