Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
