i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
