The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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