If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
