the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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