Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
