mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
