clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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