in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
