I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want to be your penis for a week.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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