I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
