I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
