My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
