my sisters under your porch take her home
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i've created a new STD.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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