im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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