Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
