hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
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I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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