zippers are such a cool invention
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
